it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
then he tried to convert me to islam
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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