Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
