I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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