it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
