3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
