allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
