I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
