Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
