Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
