u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
