She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
false alarm, still single
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
