where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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