my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
