I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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