ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
