There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
