im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series