Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct