in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
