You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
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Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?