Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me