I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now