A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?