You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING