i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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