I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love you. Go after that dick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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