I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
