I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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