well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
