I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's blow job season.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
