are you still at the devil's house?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
