have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
