so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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