My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
