K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
