and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
