ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
there is glitter all over my balls
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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