what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
