jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
