i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
