he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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