it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
