Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
