I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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