Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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