K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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