Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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