I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
