I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
