Fuck appropriateness.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
