I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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