Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
no, he came in my armpit
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
