My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
