if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
