I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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