she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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