Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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