just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
