I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
