I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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