I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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