....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Come on in and take your pants off
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