I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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