My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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