Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize