even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
where does the pee come out of this thing
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
