great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
no, he came in my armpit
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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