My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we made out on top of his cat.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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