Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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